I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
