I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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