Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
