Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
