I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
