Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm like, not good at living.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
