I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
