sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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