I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
