remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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