is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
