After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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