oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
