OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
there is glitter all over my balls
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
