Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
