thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
