just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
