The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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