exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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