Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
