I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Randomize
