look no pants
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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