Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
