i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
