So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
