no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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