PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
