fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
