I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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