When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
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Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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