So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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