dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
