At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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