Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
People in love make me want to vomit
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
