I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
