i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
