We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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