At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
