Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You ruined the universe
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
