dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
