yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
