You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
