I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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