i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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