Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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