I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize