God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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