is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
