I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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