Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
