so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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