Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
