STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
