Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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