i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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