I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
