Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
