I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My ass is underappreciated
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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