question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
