I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My first STD was from a foam party
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
