I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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