I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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