this beer tastes like vomit already
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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