hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
True college students do jello shots in the library
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
