i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
