Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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