Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
