I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
