I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
