I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
