It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
