i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
