i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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