oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
